Gone But Not Dead
by Trinity23Rose
Summary: When Barry finally visits Caitlin after Reverse Flash is gone, unexpected news follow.


When Barry finally visits Caitlin after Reverse Flash is gone, unexpected news follow.

* * *

It'd taken him longer to find her than she initially anticipated.

It wasn't as though she was really hiding, so she expected one of her friends at her door almost immediately. She didn't want them to bother her at first, not even knowing what she would tell them, how she would explain everything when taking into account her own shame, but in the end she actually felt disappointed and a little hurt that no one showed up.

It was as though she lost even more.

Harrison Wells – or maybe she should say Eobard Thawne – was the man she'd fallen for and hard. She never wanted that to happen, but from the moment she saw him for the first time she knew she was completely and utterly lost. And she couldn't exactly tell anyone because she was ashamed of the magnitude of her feelings and the way his death broke her.

Yes, she did move apartments, she did stay away from S.T.A.R. Labs because they'd seen _it_. Everyone who was there saw her icing out. She made a decision in the last moment, one that even she herself didn't anticipate . She was going to jump into the machine with him and leave, but instead she was forced to watch him die. She iced out, manifesting her powers for the very first time, powers he always told her she would eventually get and she attacked Barry. After that, she just left it all behind without looking back.

And now Barry was standing in her door.

It wasn't surprising that he forgave her, yet the fact that he didn't even seem to be mad at her for attacking him put her off a little.

And then she felt nothing but nervous anticipation mixed with fear when he mentioned he'd gotten a recording made by Wells. He was to watch it and then the Labs would be his.

Her first reaction was big and fat NO. She didn't think she could go through it again, that she could once more time face the eyes that still haunted her in dreams.

Yet, if she didn't, she'd regret it forever. Even if she broke down again, it would be worth it, she decided, already feeling colder, feeling as though she was suffocating, the terrible vise over her chest only growing tighter. If you already had cold powers, could your heart actually turn to ice?

She didn't even have control over her body as it led Barry to her desk on which a laptop was placed.

"Caitlin, um…" he started just then and she hesitated before plugging the thumb drive in.

"Barry, just don't, please," she cut him off quickly in a shaky voice as she struggled with playing the video.

"I understand, Caitlin, just… we're here if you need us, ok? We were trying to give you as much time and space as possible, but we're here for you. You can always come back. Whenever you're ready. We'll help."

She could only nod when swallowing hard, finally hitting play and already bracing herself.

His face popped up on the screen and she quite literally stopped breathing, fighting the ice inside her body with all that she had.

It was extremely hard to concentrate on his words while barely the texture of it shook her to the bone and caused her heart to bleed. All the time he was talking she just wished she were alone so she could cry as much she wanted, so she could ice out, scream, just let it out. She knew, though, that it might actually be more dangerous because once the dam broke again, it might never close back up.

She felt two things once the recording came to an end – relief because Barry was too occupied at the moment with calling Joe to ask whether Thawne's confession would be enough to free his father out of prison and anger because there was no hidden message there for her. What did she expect anyway? The recording was delivered to Barry, not to her.

Still, it hurt so, so fucking much.

Just then, when Barry was on the phone and before he reached to her laptop, apologizing to her and assuring her he'd call, she spotted a weird coding appearing at the bottom of the frozen frame. It reminded her of corruption that sent potential viruses that Cisco sometimes had to deal with. Maybe it simply erased the beginning of the video as promised.

As in perfect synch, the moment the door closed behind Barry, she received an e-mail.

Her hearted started raging all over again when she noticed that it came from Harrison Wells.

She clicked on it fast, desperate to just see it and get it over with, the open wound in her heart gaping as it bled, making it almost impossible for her to breathe.

And then she heard his dear voice again, this time the words directed straight at her.

"Caitlin, my darling, even when I'm gone, I want you to know that I'm still trying to make it back to you. Please, wait for me." Just like that, the message was over, leaving her in stunned silence, not understanding a thing.

It took her by surprise and she lost control.

She frosted out and left the apartment.

* * *

She didn't know where she was when the control was given back to her.

She just suddenly found herself back in her own mind, _somewhere_ she hoped was within the vicinity of Central City.

Then she heard it. The _voice._

"Hello, my dearest Caitlin." It was so familiar, so deep, so hoarse, so full of longing. It was _everything_. _He was everything_.

She finally faced him, seeing the all-too-familiar figure in yellow leather.

"Ha….Harrison?" she gasped shakily, feeling the ground disappearing from under her feet as she staggered. It was too much all at once, somehow the cryptic message coming true.

"The one and only," he responded when reaching to his cowl and pulling it off of his face. "I thought it'd best to go to this particular point in time, right after you finally received my message."

"What? How? I still don't understand. How are you here right now?" She staggered and then his arms were around her, holding her up, his familiar and dear to her smell invading her nostrils.

"Time travel paradox," he gave her an explanation in that husky voice straight into her ear. "You can't just erase someone who's already affected history so much."

"But you won't just disappear, will you?" she asked shakily. "I can't go through it again."

"I won't. I promise. I will _never_ leave you again. I just suggest we move to another earth because no one can know I'm alive."

She had no words to answer him with. All she could do was to cling to him, feeling his own strong arms closing tightly around her and then, they were speeding away.

And all she saw was their future together and how powerful they could be. How he would teach her to controls her powers, how they'd be a perfect pair.


End file.
